Liar, liar, pants on fire…

My big brother is a magnificent liar.

He spins the longest yarns ever, even when he doesn’t have to. No little white lies for him.

Just a few months ago, my mom called to ask me when was it that Big Bro fell down a hole as a child and had to be rescued. (What the?) I had not the faintest clue why, but he’d been spreading this story to curry favor among some church people.

His first wife threw him out because of the cheating, but the lies were absolutely ridiculous. He would disappear on Friday and show up again at home on Sunday night. When asked by his then wife where he was, his excuse was that he was over at my house all weekend. This was during the days before worldwide cell phone usage and I didn’t have a phone at home at the time. Of course, I wasn’t even home all weekend and his wife eventually found that out. Another time, his girlfriend dropped him home one Sunday night, after being out all weekend. When confronted by Wife#1 with this, his story went like this:

LIES at angle❤ He was at my house all weekend
❤ He started feeling ill
❤ I left him at my house and drove to this other woman’s house to tell her that he was ill
❤ This other woman drove back to my house to get him and bring him home

This was one of the stories that Wife#1 told me. I looked at her in disbelief. I said, “He told you that nonsense? Wouldn’t it have made more sense for me to take him directly home to you?”

I didn’t say he was good at lying, just that he would always do it.

She kicked him out and he moved in with me. After several months of dating random females, he started seeing another woman, who would eventually become Wife#2. One night my phone rang and I answered. It was soon-to-be-Wife#2 seeming very surprised that I was there. She asked when I had returned to the country. I told her I hadn’t gone anywhere in the past 6 months. She said that my brother told her I was out of the country that weekend and that’s why he couldn’t have visited her nor could she have come over. (Huh?) I assured her that I was there the whole time. Later on I found out that he had been “entertaining” someone else that very weekend.

She stuck around and they got married 2 years later.

He was still feeding his second wife dubious amounts of exaggeration about things like his income or the amount of money he’d saved. He even told her not to contact me or mom because we didn’t like her. This was his way of heading off any “uncomfortable” questions that she might want to ask us.

Their divorce became final early last year.

He’s on his third marriage now.

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7 thoughts on “Liar, liar, pants on fire…

  1. Wow – always amazes me the convoluted lengths some liars go to – they can’t seem to keep it to a simple straightforward easy to remember lie they have to embellish, add characters and sub-plots. If they put this much effort into the reality of their lives they’d be hugely successful and I dare say much happier. Or maybe not some people just enjoy lying – it’s what they do for fun.

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      1. I do have a theory as to why males are terrible liars despite that fact that many practice the art religiously.

        It’s the fact that as a rule they can’t multi-task and lying requires keeping track of what you said to who and about who not to mention when.

        For most guys that’s where the house of cards they build for themselves takes a tumble.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. All I can say – as a male – is that if his pants were on fire it was nothing to do with being a liar; it was the God-given testosterone setting fire for the procreational survival of the human species. Having said all that, goodness! what a two-timing b******d.

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    1. Yeah, I’ve been told that this has to be done to continue the species 🙂 I’m guessing the lying came first and then the pants on fire and somehow this got switched later in life (?)

      You know, when confronted with the lies, he just tries to wave it off. Good thing I’m persistent… 🙂

      Like

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